Rants in the Pants, Episode 14-Figured it All Out!

Some people might be envious, but I don’t care. I got things figured out and that’s all that matters.

I believe I have figured out what is going on with the world today. It took me some time, but I figured out three different reasons that could be the culprit of all our troubles. I would like to know how you feel as well, so when you have finished reading, please do me the honor of voting in the comments section on the one you feel is the best explanation.

1. Sadistic space aliens need a new planet. They don’t need it right now, so they are slowly preparing our planet for future colonization. They have lots of time and have determined that just hitting earth with a destructo beam would not be any fun at all. Since they have the time and are sadistic, they are destroying it little by little. They are also lazy. This is demonstrated by their using mind control to take over our governments and corporations and using them so that we actually destroy the planet ourselves.

2. The rich parasitic class has decided they need to get rid of the rest of us. We are not worthy to live. They have created a cabal of like-minded billionaires to deal with the sweaty masses. To survive the sadistic torture of the earth and its people that they are unleashing, they have dug holes deep in the earth supplied with everything they will need to survive the next thousand years while earth shakes off the effects of their efforts.

3. The human species has gone berserk. Our brains are no longer able to grasp sanity and reality. The technology we have discovered is being used in the most insane ways possible for reasons that are themselves nutsoid.

I can think of no other reasons for things being the way they are. However, I have a bonus reason that just came to mind: I am still on the acid trip I took back in the 60’s and none of this is real. That means, my dear readers, that you aren’t real either. If this is true, we can rejoice that the world has been saved but I don’t know it yet. Please leave your vote in the comments below.

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