Rants in the Pants, Episode 37-It’s a Scam Sam
An Idiots Guide to Spotting a Scam from irawhite.com
Now I know I ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I got my friend good the other day. He’s that odd guy who reads books that I told you about in the episode about the Tiny Vampire Season. Well, he ran into my yard as excited as the guy who invented TNT after the first explosion. He carried a couple of books with charts and pictures and scripts along with a stack of magazines.
“Blank is a scam!” he said excitedly.
Now, I’m not going to name this scam as there are those out there possibly reading this who might get a twist in their underwear hearing that they were wrong. I don’t want to alienate them or anyone. It’s a shame but sometimes people buy into a scam so much they can’t admit they were scammed.
Anyway, he told me he had all the goods on the blank scam and could prove it. I just looked at him and smiled.
“I already knew it was a scam,” I said.
“How the heck did you know without seeing any of the evidence?” he asked, visibly irritated.
I told him what I’m about to tell you.
First, they put out some scary proclamation: “Godzilla is coming. He’ll be here on September 11 (They always have some meaning to the date something they say is about to happen).”
Then they magnify it appropriately: “He’s crushing everything in his path. People are dying.”
Finally, they add a few pictures to illustrate what you should be afraid of (maybe some old screenshots of Godzilla smashing a tank) and put time into the mix: “He’s going to be here soon! We must prepare.” All of this is backed by experts who say, “Blah, blah, blah, hotdog.”
Before you know it, the word is out and all the news stations online and off are spouting the same thing. They say it so much that it soon becomes what is called, “common knowledge.” Once it gets to this point, good luck getting some people to listen to anything different.
The next step is the most telling. They tell you to prepare and tell you what to do. “Godzilla is coming. He stomps on people in the open but only crushes big buildings. Get into your homes and stay there or you will be crushed.” All the experts will agree, and the talking heads will nod affirmatively in unison. Anyone saying anything different will be censored.
When they see that the amount of new compliant people is diminishing, they add a little bribe to the mix. “Get in your homes and we will deliver you a doughnut compliments of Crispies every day.”
If that doesn’t work, they up the ante: “Lap dances for everyone who stays inside.”
Now things get a little tricky. Most people have complied, but there is a slice of the public with a little skepticism. They must be treated with the stick.
“Get inside or you will be arrested, and you will be fired from your job. Those who comply will still receive their checks and when possible, will be able to work from home.”
They will then try to pit those who comply against those who do not. Talking heads and experts will say, “Those people who don’t comply will be crushed and that’s a good thing. Maybe we should crush them before Godzilla gets here. We are all in the same boat and need to stick together. Those who don’t comply hurt us all.”
When the date of Godzilla’s arrival approaches, they come up with another story: “The brave men and women of the military and police have stopped Godzilla temporarily. One hundred brave seamstresses worked feverishly day and night to sew together 9,000 banana peels to make one giant one. A squad of special forces placed the banana peel in Godzilla’s path, and he slipped, fell, and couldn’t get up. The entire squad of heroes lost their lives in this brave attempt.”
The stories get weirder and weirder.
“Godzilla is still trying to get up but a new variant of Godzilla has been born and is about the wreak vengeance on us.”
“Folks, this new Godzilla variant grows faster than the original. Its breath is 1,000 degrees hotter and it can move faster.”
All through this they will be releasing scary information through experts and talking heads. “35,000 people in Iowa, crushed by Godzilla.” “Downtown Columbus flattened by Godzilla. Reports of deaths and injuries coming in.” “Salina, Kansas smashed into a grease spot as Godzilla moves West. Blood and mangled bodies everywhere.”
They will release these proclamations through mainstream media, the ones we used to revere as having the best reports. They will also censor any alternative media that says anything different, and warnings will be issued to disregard their disinformation.
The kicker is that there will be those who are in the loop so to speak, and don’t follow the same instructions they have given out. They will think that they can go ahead and live their lives like nothing is going on and no one will catch them. But someone will. A picture of the event will be released on alternative media with a statement:
“Governor defies Godzilla lockdown. Seen on golf course in Palm Springs.”
Alternative media will make a big deal out of this, but most of it will be censored. Censorship is a sign someone is hiding something, as you well know. It’s never to protect anyone but the guilty.
In any case, a spokesperson for the governor will make a statement: “Our brave governor was out on a golf course in Palm Springs today in an attempt to lure the new Godzilla variant away from L.A. and its millions of people. God bless him. He deserves a thank you from all of us for his bravery.”
In the meantime, the picture of the governor on the golf course will be washed from all media and the person who took it will be jailed or have a terrible accident. There you have it. I don’t need no stinking evidence to sniff out a scam.
My book-reading friend was blown away by my explanation of how I knew blank was a scam. I hope I have given some of you some food for thought as well.